


Finding a Home

by Aesoleucian



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 07:36:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5618896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aesoleucian/pseuds/Aesoleucian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn hasn't had time yet to work out what he wants, just what he needed to do to stay alive. Now that he's safe, he finally has to admit that what he wants is a family.</p>
<p>(set directly after episode 7)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finding a Home

When Finn woke up, Poe was sitting by his bed, reading something on a pad. Finn tried to sit up, wincing when he put weight on his injured arm, and Poe looked up. His face split into a dazzling smile and he said, “Hey, great to see you’re awake! How’s the arm holding up?”

“It’s, it’s good. I mean, pretty good for getting stabbed with a lightsaber.”

“Stabbed with a lightsaber? No way. We had no clue! The only people who knew what happened were Rey and Chewie, and they both high-tailed it out of here as soon as R2 showed them the rest of the map.”

“The map? What—Rey left? Where?”

“To find Luke.”

“Oh… Yeah, that makes sense.”

“They’ll come back, you’ll see. They care about you a lot, you know.”

Finn looked up from his hands, resting on his lap, to Poe’s face. His smile looked a little more concerned, but it was still genuine. As far as Finn could tell. He’d never had much of a social life aboard the Starkiller, although there were a few people who hadn’t been too bloodthirsty to talk to… He shied away from that line of thought. “Yeah. I know. I just… what if they _don’t_ come back? What if something happens to them?”

“What, you don’t think they can take care of themselves?” Poe laughed, but seemed to think better of it. “No, I get it. I’ve lost too many friends to believe they’ll always make it home okay.”

Finn had lost only two friends. One had left bloody fingerprints on Finn’s helmet as he died, and the other had tried to kill Finn, shouting _TRAITOR!_ Not a great track record.

From around the area of Poe’s feet came a series of _bwoop_ noises. Poe translated. “BB-8 feels the same way. You don’t always get what you want, but it never hurts to hope.” In Finn’s opinion, it sometimes hurt a lot to hope, but he didn’t say anything.

“Well, thanks for waiting for me to wake up. And you too, BB-8. It was really nice to, uh, have someone…”

Poe smiled warmly again, and put a gentle hand on Finn’s injured shoulder as he stood up. “You’re a hero _and_ you’re my friend. Course I waited. I gotta go for training now, but maybe sometime you’ll tell me about your lightsaber battle?”

“Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.”

 

-

 

Pretty soon, Finn got his arm fixed and was officially discharged from the med center. He had no idea what to do. He wandered around the base kind of aimlessly, avoiding eye contact with all the people who had important things to do. He had a half-formed idea that he was looking for the barracks, but he ended up lurking in the command center, watching General Organa and her staff going over tactical maps and talking about refugees from the destruction of the New Republic’s most recent base world. There were a depressingly small number of them.

That evening, after everyone else had gradually filtered out, General Organa stopped by the door. “Finn. It’s good to see you up and about. I’ve heard you were quite the hero on the Starkiller.”

Finn’s face went hot. “I mean, I didn’t do that much. I helped disable the shields but I was pretty useless taking out the thermal oscillator. I think Rey must have saved my butt after Kylo Ren knocked me out. I never got to thank her. Or even hear about the battle. It must’ve been something.”

“You also gave us the plans and came up with a way for us to destroy the Starkiller in the first place. And disabling the shields was no mean feat. You’ve been invaluable.”

“Ah, thanks,” he muttered.

“Have you thought about what you want to do?” At his confused look, she added, “For the Alliance. You don’t have to, of course, you’re also free to go elsewhere. But if you want to stay on base, you’ll have to make yourself useful. We only have room and board for those who earn their keep.” Her weary smile made it sound less like a threat and more like something she wished were different.

“No, I want to stay,” he said quickly. “I was thinking, maybe I should learn some mechanic stuff? Rey’s really good at that kind of thing, and I’m no pilot, so…”

The General smiled warmly. “Sure.” Into her wrist comm, “Selva, can you come by the command center? I need a room for a new arrival. Do we have anything free?”

“Plenty,” said a tinny voice from the General’s wrist. “We lost a lot of good pilots. We’re still clearing out some of their stuff but our new arrival should have lots of choice. He Poe’s hotshot friend?”

“I wouldn’t call him a hotshot, but yes.”

Poe’s friend. It should have been annoying to be “Poe’s friend” instead of “the guy who helped blow up the Starkiller,” but he was just proud that they knew. Poe had told them Finn was his friend.

Selva turned out to be a tiny Sullustan who walked almost faster than Finn could keep up with. She showed him to the barracks, and asked if he wanted to be in Poe’s room. He quickly shook his head, so she put him in a room a little way down the hall. Two people in flight suits were sitting on their bunks, talking quietly, when Finn edged in, and they looked up. “Hey,” he said weakly, “I’m Finn. I guess I’m sleeping here from now on?”

“Yeah, come on in,” said one. “I’m Bih.” She was human, with short dark hair and kohl around her eyes.

The other was Mon Calamari, tall and broad. “Roko La. Will you be kept awake if we talk?”

“No, no, it’s fine.”

“I’ll come get you at 0700,” said Selva. “Show you where you need to know. See you tomorrow!”

“Yeah, thanks.” As the door closed, Finn looked around. It was clear which beds had recently been vacated; they had pristine white sheets and folded blankets next to the other inexpertly made beds. Finn might have to work on making his bed more sloppily to fit in. Captain Phasma had always expected perfection.

Finn chose a lower bunk, far from the door. He started to shrug off Poe’s jacket, but it made him feel uneasy. So instead he took off his boots and socks, and got into his new bed, tucking his nose into the collar. It still smelled like Poe after all Finn had been through in it.

 

-

 

Mechanic work went pretty smoothly. Finn had always been pretty good with systems, understanding how things fit together. Machines, star-destroying planets, bureaucracies. It felt good to work with his hands, creating something instead of shooting it down. When he fixed his first busted compressor he grinned wider than he could remember ever having done. When his teacher let him off for the day, he ate a quick dinner in the mess and scavenged a piece of paper to leave a note by the door to Poe’s room.

_Do you want to hear about my awesome lightsaber battle tonight? I’m going to be out on the tarmac for a while. See you then?_

_—FN_

It was a stupid little note, and he was almost too nervous to put it up. What if Poe didn’t see it? What if someone else did? But he really did want to talk to Poe.

Twenty minutes later Finn was sitting under the nose of an X-wing, looking up at the stars visible through gaps in the clouds. They were so different from down here. They almost seemed closer.

With a rustle, Poe sat down next to him—he walked really quietly, Finn hadn’t even noticed he was there. “How’s it going?”

“Pretty good. Xu’s teaching me how to be good pit crew.”

“Valuable stuff! It also keeps you far away from the action.” Finn glanced over at him to see if this was some kind of veiled insult, but he looked genuinely pleased about it. “I’m always happier when my friends stand less chance of getting hurt, y’know? But I was promised a lightsaber battle! Whatcha got?”

Finn had never been a good storyteller, but he’d try now. “Well, you know about the plan. We hit atmosphere at light speed and practically crashed the _Falcon_. I actually… didn’t have so much of a plan for deactivating the shields. I was really only there to save Rey.” It was too easy to tell the truth to Poe. He just seemed to accept whatever it was. No judgment. “So we kidnapped Captain Phasma and threatened her—in case you didn’t know, she’s scary as hell.” Poe laughed. “She took the shields down. Then when we walked outside, the first thing we saw was Rey, climbing down this sheer cliff of a wall in one of the hangars!”

“I can’t wait to meet her.”

“She’s incredible, I think you’ll like her. She escaped from Kylo Ren on her own—she told me she used the Force to make one of the guards let her go! Then we saw you all making your strafing runs—”

“—and making no dent in the oscillator—”

“—yeah, and Han Solo said he’d brought enough explosives to bring down the whole thing! Except while he was planting them Kylo Ren showed up and…”

Poe put a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “You did it, though. Did enough damage that I could go in myself and finish the job.”

“That was _you_?”

“Who else?”

Poe’s hand hadn’t moved yet. “Well, Rey and I made a break for the _Falcon_. But Kylo Ren caught up with us—he knocked Rey out like it was nothing. I took her lightsaber and tried to fight him off… he’s. He’s scary good.  I thought I was going to die every second I was fighting him. He pinned me to a tree and I was trying to hold him off but his lightsaber’s got those crossguards. I always thought they were kind of useless, but, well. Not any more. He threw me to the ground and I passed out. Rey must have taken him out, though, ‘cause I ended up getting home safe. I wonder if he’s dead.”

“His type are hard to kill. I doubt we’ve seen the last of him. But at least you all came home safe.” _Home_ , the Alliance base.

“Almost all.”

Poe was silent for a long time, looking up at the stars. Then he said, “What were you gonna do if you made it to the Outer Rim?”

“Huh?”

“You told me you almost ran at Maz Kanata’s watering hole. You were gonna go to the Outer Rim, as far as you could get from the First Order.”

“That feels like such a long time ago.” Finn glanced at Poe, who was still staring at the sky. “I didn’t really think about it. I’d’ve found some way to get by, I guess. I don’t have a lot of skills besides shooting, but I’m a quick study.”

“Get by, huh?” Poe sounded sad.

“I’m not brave like you and General Organa,” Finn mumbled. “I’m still scared out of my mind that the First Order will find me and, and they’re not kind to traitors. If you’ve been there on the inside, you know how powerful they are. Like a force you can’t escape. I was going to get safe and then figure things out after I stopped panicking.”

Poe’s hand switched shoulders so his arm was around Finn. Finn thought his heart might explode. He’d never had anyone touch him this much willingly, this gently. Not even Rey. “You’re not bad because you’re afraid,” Poe said. “Hell, I’d be afraid too in your place. You don’t need to justify anything. I was just wondering… what it is you want?”

What Finn really wanted was a family, someone who would be there for him. But that was too much even to tell Poe. _I never really thought I was a real person,_ he’d say, _until you gave me a name and acted like I was one._ That was just pathetic. Instead he said, “I-I don’t know yet. After my first battle all I wanted was to get out, and I never planned beyond that.”

“Hey, I’ll be here for you while you figure it out. Whatever you decide to do, I’ll be behind you.”

Finn started to cry, silently screwing up his face to keep any sound from coming out. He hadn’t said anything but Poe had _known_. Tears dropped into his lap, and Poe said, “Hey, hey, it’s all right. C’mere.” He pulled Finn toward him, into a hug, and Finn pushed his face into Poe’s shoulder. “Your life’s been kinda shit til now, getting trained to kill and getting blown up and everything. You can take your time making your own life now.”

Finn let out the sob he’d been holding, grabbing a fistful of Poe’s vest like a tether in space.

 

-

 

They spent a lot of time sitting under the X-wings. Sometimes BB-8 came along, but Finn liked how when she didn’t come Poe would sit there and tell him her specs or how she configured her magnetic field differently for different terrain. Once when one of her panels jammed, Poe brought her to Finn to fix. It was easy, probably something Poe could have done on his own, but Finn liked both their company, and he thought maybe they liked his. Poe told him about mods he wanted in his X-wing and BB-8 told him about personal mods she wanted (to be more like R2-D2, she didn’t say).

“Could I design your mods?” Finn asked. They were both delighted, even though they knew he wasn’t that good yet. It would give him something to work up to. He felt warm.

He also got to know the other mechanics and pit crew on base, who were pretty amazing. Xu, the head of the mechanical division, was stern and proud; Umbar could make a ship out of _any_ junk given two days; Kennig kept trying to translate untranslatable jokes from her native Bothese; Zii’ii stayed late at night to make sure projects were finished, cursing ceaselessly under their breath. And the pilots Finn roomed with went out of their way to include him as if they thought he was a genuinely worthwhile person.

Sometimes it was a little more than he could take, but he kept trying because it was getting easier.

Every couple of days someone hosted a movie night in the main hangar and everyone dragged cushions and blankets out to watch the giant holoprojection. Usually Poe would wave at Finn until Finn came to sit by him. Tonight BB-8 beeped at Finn until he lifted her onto his lap. She was warm, and the zipper on his jacket kept sticking to her.

Finn had noticed, though, that Poe actually treated him just like anyone else. Poe gave out hugs and casual touches freely. Everyone in the base, no matter how grumpy or stern they were, brightened when he walked into a room. Finn couldn’t figure out whether he admired or envied him more: he wanted to be Poe, but he mostly just wanted his attention. And Poe kept giving it. Finn wondered if he ever got tired from constantly being encouraging and kind—it would take a lot out of Finn, who had no practice being selfless.

Now Poe leaned against Finn, interestedly watching the movie with his arm loosely hooked through Finn’s. Maybe it didn’t matter to him. But this was still enough.

 

-

 

A couple months after Finn came to the base, back on the tarmac, Poe told him that he _did_ get tired from being so good all the time. Not tired _of_ being good, just that it used up a lot of energy. “That’s why I like spending time with you,” he said. “I know you try hard at it, but you are a lot less focused on yourself than a lot of people here, at least in conversation. Um, what I mean is, it makes me happy that I can just talk about whatever and you’ll be interested. Or at least you’ll pretend, I guess.”

“Why would I have to _pretend_ to be interested? You always talk about really cool stuff…” He trailed off. Poe was smiling. “Or, y’know, maybe it’s just interesting ‘cause it’s you.”

In the dim glow of the faraway floodlights, he thought Poe was blushing slightly. “Oh. Um, well.” Finn was delighted.

“I never get tired of listening to you talk about things you care about. I never get tired of sharing things that make you happy.” For once Poe wasn’t smiling as he looked into Finn’s eyes, but this expression was even better. Almost awe; his lips were slightly parted. It was a little too intense for Finn. He broke eye contact and looked down, grinning. “I can’t believe I’d ever say this about the most badass pilot in the resistance, but you’re really cute.”

Poe was _definitely_ blushing this time. Feeling bold, Finn took his hand. Poe tipped over to rest his forehead on Finn’s knee. “You’re awful,” he said in a muffled voice. “Never stop.”

Finn laid his other hand in Poe’s perfect hair and started stroking it. Poe relaxed and scooted a little closer. “It’s probably time to go in,” said Finn—Poe sighed into Finn’s knee—“but I don’t really want to.”

“Listen, if you keep petting my hair I’ll do whatever you want.”

“I don’t really want that kind of power over another person,” Finn mumbled.

Poe sat up suddenly and, looking directly into Finn’s eyes, lifted Finn’s hand and kissed it. He didn’t let it go when he said, “Don’t worry. I was exaggerating.” Finn could feel Poe’s lips move on his fingers. He felt hot and light all over.

 

-

 

The next night when Finn came to the X-wing they usually sat under, Poe was already there, plucking the strings on some kind of instrument. He looked up and smiled when he saw Finn. “Hey!”

“Hey, Poe. What’s that?”

“It’s called a guitar, some kind of classical instrument from some kind of weird alien planet. I haven’t played it since I was fifteen. I’m probably awful, so I wanted to make you my test subject. I figure you’ll tell me how bad it is.”

Finn sat down with his knee touching Poe’s. “Sure.” As Poe picked the same string rapidly, slowly turning a knob at the end, Finn said, “It’s really bad. It doesn’t even sound like music.”

Poe laughed, surprised. “I’m not playing it yet, just tuning it. That’s to make sure the notes are at the right intervals and they don’t sound too bad when you play them at the same time. I think it’s ready to play now.” He strummed experimentally, nodded, and then started to play. He changed the positions of his fingers on the pole that came out of the instrument while continuing to drag his other hand across the strings on the body of the instrument.

“I have no idea how it works, but it sounds pretty good.”

“Oh, really? I can’t remember any of the good chords, so I think it sounds kind of dull. Oh well.” He kept playing, humming along, some melody that somehow sounded right for the chords. After a little while he started to experiment with different chords, some dissonant and some apparently just right. “ _That’s_ the one, just needs more practice,” he murmured to himself. “Yeah.”

Eventually, he started to sing softly in a language Finn didn’t recognize (which wasn’t saying much, because the only language Finn heard regularly was Galactic Common, though thanks to Kennig he thought he could identify Bothese). Finn closed his eyes and leaned back against the landing gear.

He came out of a half-doze, realizing the music had stopped. When he opened his eyes, Poe was smiling fondly at him. Reflexively, he smiled back. “You’re so beautiful,” said Poe.

“Yeah?” said Finn breathlessly.

Poe put down his guitar and turned to face Finn. “Can I kiss you?”

“Wh—you want to kiss me? Like, on the mouth?”

Poe laughed his beautiful laugh. “Yeah, if you want to kiss me.”

“Yes! I mean, I don’t really know how, and I didn’t really know it was a thing until about a month ago, but, yeah. I do.”

“Well, let’s run a diagnostic. Tell me how this feels.”

Poe leaned forward on his knees until Finn could feel his breath, wrapped his hands gently around the sides of Finn’s face. Finn’s heart was going to explode like the Starkiller: huge, showy, no survivors. Poe pressed his lips onto Finn’s lips and withdrew just enough to rest his forehead on Finn’s.

“Whzk.”

“Good whzk or bad whzk?”

“ _Good_.”

“Good.”

“You’re not comfortable on your knees, are you? Do you want to sit on, on my lap?”

Poe _did_ want to sit on Finn’s lap. He also wanted Finn’s arms around his waist _and_ Finn’s hands in his hair. Finn did his best to accommodate, and Poe told him that he was not only beautiful but also really good at cuddling.

“You too,” said Finn. “Probably _more_ beautiful and way better at cuddling.”

“You just need practice,” said Poe cheerfully.


End file.
